My best friend is in love.

All my life, my closest friends have been men. And for most of that time, I’ve had to contend with the “other woman” in one way or another. And in every situation where that best friend falls in love, I’ve been forced to retreat to the “friendship-of-a-lesser-degree.” I’ve gotten better at it with time. I don’t get as jealous now, not nearly as much as I used to. And eventually the situation normalizes to a state where I either get to spend time with the friend when said ”Number One Girl” is out of town, is busy shopping, or I get to enjoy that somewhat pathetic phenomenon known as “couple companionship.” Whatever the circumstance, you reach the point, when you have to face the fact that your relationship will never be the same. It’s the day I always fear, and the day where I’m always reminded how the world really works.

Maybe it’s why my Mom always encourages me to befriend more women. She’s been telling me since I was 12, to find more girlfriends. And I’ve been telling her, since I was 12, that boys are just more fun.  

“Surely Mother, I am sophisticated enough to keep my emotions in-check, draw lines in the sand, adhere to plutonic ground rules…it’s not 1955 anymore Mom, men and women can “just be friends.”

Funny how Mom really is, always right.

Funny, how I’m still too damn stuburn to listen to her advice.

So, each time, I go through the typical territorial dance. And as passive aggressive as it sounds, I usually find some way to assert that “I was here first.” I find a way to subtly let her know I entered his narrative sooner than she did.

So nah na nah na boo boo to you too.

But this time, it’s different. It’s a bigger deal.  And it’s not jealousy I feel or envy. It’s hard to explain, it’s both a loss and a gain. It’s the quintessential definition of “bittersweet.” 

This is the friend who has seen me through one of the most difficult points in my life. He appeared within a month of my move to Washington, has carried me through bad jobs, bad boyfriends, a lay-off, a divorce, a massive several-month-long depression. He’s the one person who held me when I didn’t want anyone else in the world to even touch me.

We had established, at one point, something I liked to call “Adventure Sundays.” It was an attempt to teach me about my new city and all it had to offer. I loved “Adventure Sundays” and I had the best tour guide in the business.

And then, one day, after several failed attempts at online dating - he struck Internet gold, and met his girlfriend, and fell in love….the real kind, not the virtual.

It took him a decent amount of time to introduce her to me and it was in a group setting at that. And as much as I hated admitting it, I liked her right away. She was cute, funny, not easily offended, and most importantly, she laughed at all my jokes.

So, I’m not the first one he calls anymore when something significant happens in his day. I’m not the one who gets asked to family functions anymore. And I’m not the one whose hand he holds when watching fireworks from a Dupont rooftop on the 4th of July.

So now, I’m quickly collecting our mutual memories and trying my best to burn them into my mind. Trips we’ve taken, laughter we’ve shared, epic battles we’ve fought, nights of dancing to the satellite radio, and eating take-out, and getting drunk, and getting sober, and a New Year’s kiss we shared at the Kennedy Center, the cliff we scaled on the Billy Goat Trail, with me screaming at him all the while for not warning me about the death-defying feat I was having to face, all the Scrabble games (he never won), and the hugs that brought me back to life, and all the tears I shed onto his purple button-down-shirt everytime a boy broke my heart or I missed home like mad.

I remember all these things and it always makes me sad to know they’re forever in a past I won’t get back, wishing I had treasured them more at the time.

Then I see him smile at her.

And I realize, “Adventure Sundays,” were custom made for the two of them.

Along came Mary.

And he was never the same.

And I was glad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYJhhKSXOBo