Here are Damsel’s sure fire ways to get over a guy…momentarily at least:

1. Buy something expensive. Buy something hot. And buy it now. Seriously ladies, what’s more important, your credit score or your broken heart?  This is not advised if you’re merely a bit bummed about some lame little crush you had or after finding out your favorite red-headed congressman has a wife named “Missy” and four perfect WASP replicas. Do this when your heart is in your fucking sneakers and the only thing that will pull it out of them at that very moment is a pair of Jimmy Choo knee-high stiletto boots from the 2008 Fall collection. Buy them ladies, meet a new boy in them, and knock his knickers off.

2. A trip to the 7-11 at 1:00 AM for your favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s: Buy the pint, eat the pint, and ask yourself if sex with your ex was ever that creamy and delicious.

3. Quit your job: Okay, while this may have worked out alright for the Damsel, it may not be your best solution. But damn if hitting send on that resignation email didn’t cleanse the bejesus out of my last littered lonely months.

4. Bust a move: I personally hit the treadmill when I’m romantically forlorn. I find anger and heartache get my little legs moving like nothing else. And if you tire after a few miles, just think about how good you want to look the next time you see the testosterone tyrant who broke your squeeze box.

5. Drink and smoke: If you’re a recovering alcoholic and/or an asthmatic, please disregard. Buy boy cigarettes like Marlboro Reds and insist that your favorite bartender “Todd” in your neighborhood bar allow you to do at least one body shot off his polo exposed neck. (Fuck Todd’s girlfriend…if the girl can’t handle the territory that comes with dating a bartender, she needs to step down as Todd’s Cuervo Queen and relinquish her crown to you).

6. Phone up your fellow fuck-buddy: We all have them, and if you don’t, get yourself one, at least until you’ve recommitted yourself to a new and deserving love. It’s always a plus to find an “FB” you don’t find 100% appealing, at least in an emotional sense. Narcisists can be fun. Frat boys are even better. Just make sure he has a nice ass, some rhythm, and is devoid of any capacity for love and affection.

7. Buy a dog: I’m convinced if I had a dog I wouldn’t need a boyfriend. Seriously, canine companionship rivals that of a man’s any day of the week. A pooch can give you kisses, keep your feet warm, clean up spilled Cheerios on the kitchen floor and they almost always want to go walking leash-in-hand in the park more than they want to watch the Packers beat the Bears on a Sunday.

8. If you broke up with a liberal, fuck a conservative. If you broke up with a conservative, fuck a liberal, and so on and so forth: I’m a bipartisan kind of girl, but after you’ve listened to your bleeding-heart liberal boyfriend espouse the virtues of universal health care and buying fair trade, organic everything, nothing heals the heart better than a great lay from a cowboy boot wearing, cigar smoking, Grand Ole Party Gideon. If you’re trying to recover from Republican rapture, then graze on some granola and learn to embrace hemp until the pain passes.

9. Cry: Seriously, just let it the fuck out. Buy the the tissue with lotion and aloe in it, put on that U2 song the two of you always made out to, and ball your frigging brains out.

10. Dance for the neighbors: Set the stereo to “stun” and dance your sweet little ass off. Better yet, do it with the blinds open and let the boy who lives in the efficiency across the way catch a glimpse of your groove. Show him what he’s missing. Afterall, you never know, maybe a lapdance is in his future.