DC Damsel

Note: Some scenarios have been changed to protect the identity of individuals involved. Other scenarios have been completely fabricated to make me sound like more fun than I really am.
The Twelve-Step Program originally created in 1955 in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped countless individuals around the globe recover from any number of addictive behaviors, [...]

All girls like to primp and preen just like their moms.
And on this particular Mother’s Day, as I sat getting my bi-weekly mani/pedi, I watched as a little girl, no older than five, had her nails painted.
She chose bright purple for her fingers.
And neon orange for her tiny toes.
As she squirmed under the nail dryers [...]

When Eve Ensler debuted her Vagina Monologues off-Broadway in 1996, America had seen nothing like it. Now after years of  controversy and notoriety, the monologues have taken on a life of their own, engaging communities far and wide and enlivening causes ranging from trans-gender rights to combating violence against women in the free world and [...]

In a world where ordering a cup of coffee at Starbucks makes the theory of relativity look like something Einstein came up with while on a bender, it’s no surprise that in the year of 2010, the best part of waking up may no longer be Folgers in your cup.
That said, one could hardly imagine, [...]

She’s the queen of the tea party rabble-rousers and does more for lipstick than a pitbull could ever hope to. And while my opinion on death panel Palin will forever remain a secret known only to my closest confidants and a handful of neighbors who hear me scream every time she Fargo farts her way [...]

I did something on Sunday night that I haven’t done since I was a co-ed in my dorm room at the University of Wisconsin, I popped some kettle corn and watched the Academy Awards from top to bottom.
For what it’s worth, here are my top five ordinary observations of the 82nd Annual [...]

It’s hard to believe it’s been 12 years since Slick Willy told a federal grand jury and the American people he didn’t boff that chubby girl in the beret.
After seeing a news clip of Billy’s infamous speech the other day, I couldn’t help but think about my own sexual experiences with women, or a lack there of.
As [...]

According to Weight Watchers, I’m only 5-8 pounds overweight. That said, I was looking at the high-end number. The low-end number made me want to vomit into my running shoes and then run laps with them on just to remind me of what a big fucking pig I am.
For all intensive purposes, 5-8 pounds of extra flesh really [...]

I have several recurring themes in this blog – men, my weight, liquor, shoes, Springsteen. Ex-husband, ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, my job, my friends, my family, the curious thoughts that pop into my head when I’m trying not to stare at freaks on the Metro or soaping my naughty nuggets in the shower, my bad poetry, my [...]

1.  “Vampires ARE kind of sexy.”
2. “Cherry Blossoms? Eh.”
3. “Do you think Michelle Obama takes performance enhancing drugs?
4. “No, I don’t subscribe to his Twitter feed, but I did let him tweet the fuck out of me once.”
5. “My money’s on the flying monkeys, but that seems like the obvious answer.”
6. “I just started the [...]