DC Damsel

1. I have less to write about now that I don’t date on a regular basis. What if angst is the only emotional state that allows me to say something the slightest bit meaningful? The dilemma of a minor league sob story. I’m an emotional vampire and my food supply has atrophied.
2. I fall in [...]

I opted to buy a shitload of clothes this weekend instead of paying my rent on time.
I threw three diet soda cans in the trash today instead of getting up to walk the 30 feet to the recycling bin.
I forced three skinny girls to walk in succession this evening instead of yielding the sidewalk a [...]

In an attempt to get over the latest in a series of relationships (I use the term lightly) run afoul, I find myself sitting on my laptop at my dining room table typing to cyberspace.
I bought some new apricot bath wash today, a pint of Tropicana, and a semi-sized bottle of Absolut.
I’m listening to Bob [...]

I was pondering the President-elect’s cabinet picks the other day and I came to the conclusion that he’s made some very pragmatic, mature decisions with his choices.
But I couldn’t help but fantasize, like the rest of the opportunist ne’er-do-wells in Washington, where I might fit into an Obama administration.
Realizing that my state-schooled education and lack of [...]

1. Humus and rice crackers aren’t the worst combination when you’re drunk.
2. After two weeks of beating myself silly on the treadmill, my thighs are starting to feel tight and tempting.
3. Drinking a riesling after a chardonnay is like choking on a candy-coated dick after swallowing a real one.
4. I may be an alcoholic but [...]

Hanging at a bar, talking to a hot guy who you think’s interested in you only to have him ask you if your prettier friend is single. (no matter how many times it happens, it still stings like a mother fucker)
Coyote arm.
Only one beer left in the fridge.
Not being able to hug my Mom from [...]

Here are Damsel’s sure fire ways to get over a guy…momentarily at least:
1. Buy something expensive. Buy something hot. And buy it now. Seriously ladies, what’s more important, your credit score or your broken heart?  This is not advised if you’re merely a bit bummed about some lame little crush you had or after finding [...]

There are those rare moments in life when I’ve consumed half a bottle of Pinot Grigio (ok, well they’re not that rare) and I sit and listen to music and do nothing but contemplate the meaning of life.
In what, perhaps, would look like a sorry sight to onlookers, I tend to be at my most [...]

I’m a Michael Phucking Phelps Phanatic and I’m not ashamed to admit it. There are dozens of reasons to love this American Adonis, but here are my top ten:
1. Winner of 8 gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympic Games
2. He eats 12,000 calories a day and has the flattest fucking abs I’ve ever [...]

Fanny packs.
Toilet seat dribblers (you know who you are).
Bread pudding.
Segways.
People who ride Segways.
The term “carbon footprint.”
Any opposition to the flying monkey brigade I’m quietly forming.
Bald men with ponytails.
Drew Barrymore.
Women who don’t wear bras.
Men with yellow toenails who wear sandals.
Political correctness.
Foodies.
Passive aggressive mother-in-laws (I divorced mine).
Cliched references to scaling Mount Everest.
Darfur.
Power lunches.
The guy that swallowed my [...]