1.  “Vampires ARE kind of sexy.”

2. “Cherry Blossoms? Eh.”

3. “Do you think Michelle Obama takes performance enhancing drugs?

4. “No, I don’t subscribe to his Twitter feed, but I did let him tweet the fuck out of me once.”

5. “My money’s on the flying monkeys, but that seems like the obvious answer.”

6. “I just started the Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet.”

7. “I don’t think he speaks with a Negro dialect either!”

8. “Wait, let me just slip out of these Spanx first.”

9. “Just club soda for me please.”

10. “Let me tell you about my new app idea.”